I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
