If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
