You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
