shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
