dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
