Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
