a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
