That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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