my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
