she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize