Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
