how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize