im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
