I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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