You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
