I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize