it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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