you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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