white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
