is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
