I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My pussy is not your playground.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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