You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize