i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
