Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize