And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
