Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
