were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
