So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
