so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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