Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
