Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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