I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
