You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
