Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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