You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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