a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
