I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
