dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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