I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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