It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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