beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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