You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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