i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
