This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
