It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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