the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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