I think I won the penis lottery.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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