It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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