I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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