She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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