Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
