lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
