Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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