Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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