i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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