Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
