My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
