I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
