I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
