So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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