He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
