How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize