Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
