he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
