ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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