I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize