Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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