guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
