I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
