Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
