he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
