I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
