He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
