I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
